making mistakes.

You know what we all have in common?

We're all human.  

My point?

We all make mistakes.

At nearly 22, I've probably not lived long enough to give very deep life advice.  But as a girl, and a student, and a human being... I've made plenty of mistakes that have turned me into the person I am today and that have affected where I am right now in life in general.  This all sounds cheesy, and believe me when I say that I don't like sounding cheesy when I write this kind of stuff... but I've just recently been reminded of mistakes that I've made in the past. 

I don't know why I want to talk about it, however vague it all may be... maybe just to get it all out of my head.  

I love my boyfriend more than I can explain.  Actually, it's because I can't explain it that lets me know how much I love him.  :)  I mean, of course I could give you a list of things that make him amazing, but overall.. it's just the feeling I get when I'm with him that lets me know that I'm in the right place.  A big thing that's important?  Lust isn't the first thing I feel... and that's good, at least to me.  Now don't get me wrong... my boyfriend is sexy and I know it (and he knows it! ha!), but for me, and knowing the mistakes I've made, I feel like that says a lot for our relationship.  

I went through a time, over a year ago now, where I didn't know what I wanted. I knew I didn't want to lose my boyfriend, Adam, but I also knew, or thought I knew, that I wanted something different.  So.. I talked to people I shouldn't have and I put myself in situations that I could have easily avoided.  I made it to where I didn't know who I was anymore, because the things that I was doing my old self would never have done.  I actually put myself into a pretty severe depression because of it.  Just to keep it vague and short, I messed up the trust between Adam and I, and as a result, I don't know if he believes things that I say to this day.  

The reason I'm bringing this up is just because I'm thinking about it.  I had a hard night last night; Adam made me realize last night how much he really doesn't trust me, and it was hard because I really couldn't blame him.  I was reminded of mistakes that I'd made well over a year ago, and I couldn't be mad at Adam; I had caused all of our problems in the first place. 

Now, just to clarify, I didn't cheat - I did things I shouldn't have, but I never cheated.  I don't want anyone to be getting the wrong impression..

I guess I just wanted to say that we all make mistakes, and we'll be reminded of them every once in a while.  But in making the mistakes that I made, I learned so much.  I learned what I didn't like, and what I didn't want.  I learned about myself and Adam learned a lot about me that he didn't know.  Adam learned more about what I like, and has changed to try and make us even better than we already are.  In telling Adam everything that I've done, and in talking about my mistakes, we've become closer.  He calls me honest, and it's true.  I don't like having secrets from the person I love, especially when my mistakes had the potential to break us up, which actually happened a few times. 

Accepting our mistakes, and learning from them, make us better people.  Making mistakes sucks - but we're human, and it's to be expected.  

Making mistakes makes us who we are. 

And that's okay with me.